Jealousy is another thing that really darkens my days and lights my nights with the raging fires of home. I hate it when somebody wants to keep me only for himself, as if I am a work of art or something that has to be kept in a gallery and doesn’t mind to stay there for all eternity.

So… I had to do it. And it tore my entire being, sending my immortal soul whining into the night, carrying my broken heart in its jaws straight “into the inky blackness” of my knights soul. Nah, he always keeps saying that. Yesterday when I was howling my love, my anger, my pain on the phone he seemed the brightest thing in my life. He always has been in fact. Even when his mood is dark as the darkest of the stormclouds and even then he is the greatest shoulder one can cry on.

The saddest of all things is that I love Jamie. For the first time of my entire life I loved somebody so much that I felt like I was ready to give away my freedom in exchange for life with someone. I… have to appologize… I told you this yesterday, dearest, and it was not until hours later that I noticed how your voice suddenly changed. I know you understood the meaning, but I have to do it. I am sorry.  И знам, че в гласа ти чух нотка гняв, която е напълно в твой стил, знам, че поне за миг очите ти са потъмнели. Знам, че това, което ти казах го причини. Извинявай, за което. Извинявай и че го правя тук.

Sorry about the bulgarian, folks, I told you you have to learn it.

And you… Jamie… I really have nothing more to say to you… Probably only that:

 Barbara Fairchild – Teddy bear song

I wish I had button eyes and a red felt nose
A shaggy cotton skin and just one set of clothes
Sittin’ on a shelf in a local department store
With no dreams to dream and nothin’ to be sorry for

And I’m wishin’ that I hadn’t fallen in love with you

I do not know where to start. In short time I think I will be able to get you all to know me. Or to know this part of me that I will show you. Anyway see you all soon. And do not cross my hunting paths